13 Insanely Hilarious Courtroom Quotations That Will Make You Laugh
Determined to prove their position in court, people often miss seeing the big picture and making sense in general. As a result, they often lead to some very funny or even embarrassing statements.
Here are a couple of real courtroom quotations from official court records that can make any witness or lawyer feel awkward.
1. How was your first marriage terminated?
- Lawyer: “Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?”
- Witness: “By death.”
- Lawyer: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
2. What is your date of birth?
- Lawyer: “What is your date of birth?”
- Witness: “July 15th.”
- Lawyer: “What year?”
- Witness: “Every year.”
3. What gear were you in?
- Lawyer: “What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?”
- Witness: “Gucci sweats and Reeboks.”
4. But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
- Lawyer: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “Did you check for breathing?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
- Witness: “No.”
- Lawyer: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
- Witness: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
- Lawyer: “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”
- Witness: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.”
5. Did he kill you?
- Lawyer: “What happened then?”
- Witness: “He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me.'”
- Lawyer: “Did he kill you?”
- Witness: “No.”
6. And you took your new wife?
- Lawyer: “Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?”
- Witness: “I went to Europe, sir.”
- Lawyer: “And you took your new wife?”
7. What were you doing at that time?
- Lawyer: “Do you know how far pregnant you are now?”
- Witness: “I’ll be three months on November 8.”
- Lawyer: “Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?”
- Witness: “Yes.”
- Lawyer: “What were you doing at that time?”
8. How many were boys?
- Lawyer: “She had three children, right?”
- Witness: “Yes.”
- Lawyer: “How many were boys?”
- Witness: “None.”
- Lawyer: “Were there girls?”
9. He was dead at that time, is that correct?
- Lawyer: “Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Eddington at the Rose Chapel?”
- Witness: “It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30pm.”
- Lawyer: “And Mr. Eddington was dead at the time, is that correct?”
10. Did you ever stay all night with this man?
- Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?”
- Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
- Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?”
- Witness: “I refuse to answer that question.
- Lawyer: “Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?”
- Witness: “No.”
11. Is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice?
- Lawyer: “Mrs. Jones, is your appearance this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?”
- Witness: “No. This is how I dress when I go to work.”
12. How old are you?
- Lawyer: “And lastly, Lacey, all your responses must be oral. Ok? What school do you go to?”
- Witness: “Oral.”
- Lawyer: “How old are you?”
- Witness: “Oral.”
13. And where was his head?
- Lawyer: “Could you see him from where you were standing?”
- Witness: “I could see his head.”
- Lawyer: “And where was his head?”
- Witness: “Just above his shoulders.”