Many Wives Say That Their Husbands Won’t Talk About Their Problems – New Answers

I've heard a very common complaint from women that their husbands won't talk to them about their problems. Many relationship advisors suggest that wives talk to their men about issues and talk for as long as it takes to resolve them.

I don't agree. Men don’t typically do that, nor do they appreciate it. A man sees that you can talk to your mom, your sister, or your girlfriends for hours and hours about your issues. But most husbands won't be receptive to this kind of interaction. Men might be willing to talk for a while, but only a while. He won’t stay engaged for a talking marathon.

In fact, most men feel that your complaints about your relationship are just plain disrespectful. We women don’t see it this way, of course. You are actually paying your man a high compliment by sharing your feelings. But this is the language of women, not men.

As Erick says, "One of our clients, Sharon, would wait for her husband to come home and start talking to him the minute he walked in the door about her thoughts. She had been thinking about her husband all day, see? She had all these pent-up feelings about him and their relationship that were fairly bursting out of her."

So what does Erick say to do instead? If possible, you need to reassure you husband that you love, need, admire, trust, and want him. It would be great if he would give you that reassurance, too, but it could be that he can’t get into that space from where you are right now. Take the lead anyway, and know that with the right actions and with enough time, things between you will become equal and loving.

Erick describes Sharon's plight, "For her husband’s part, he felt that he’d been working all day — for THEM — and he didn’t understand how Sharon could be so dissatisfied when he had put in all that effort to provide for them so they could have a good life together. Frankly, he felt ambushed when she approached him this way. He really just wanted dinner, a beer, and some TV after work. He also wanted to get a hug and a smile when he walked through the door, but these were things he wouldn’t admit to."

Erick describes how most men respond after feeling relaxed, loved, and appreciated. He says that most men would be up to hearing about a need their wife might have that isn’t being met — if stated in a loving way with respect for all he does and with a feeling that he’s admired. But he’s got to be in a very solid place to accept this kind of communication.

To make headway with a man — to change the dynamic —you need to speak the language of yoiur man. The language of your man is ACTIONS.

A few of the actions your man might appreciate are making dinner, making some plans to have fun together, or giving him affection.

More information is available on the Save This Marriage website.